what an awfully great adventure

one of my good friends, connie lii,has lost something precious of hers. her father.

i remember the good old days with her....i met her at a church conference. she was to me...jsut anotehr girl at first. during one of the sermons she was shivering so i gave her my jacket......and she was happy. after taht we became good friends. then things went by storm. we fell in love.

then all of a sudden someone i never even knew before became so important to my life. after that her family started to go to my church...her fatehr got baptised at my church after being diagnosed with cancer. her mother loved my parents and came to the church when she could. i later found out her dad grew up with my dad. they both came from the city in taiwan...nantou. and since my dad's father was teh governer of nantou connies dad knew my dad. because of this...her parents liked me a lot.

i never got to know connies father that well....he never talked taht much after getting cancer. he was such a great father. at first no doctor could diagnose connies father's illness....no one knew what it was. my dad was the first to find out what it was. he knew it was cancer.

connie had only recently become christian back then and we were in love. i would daily give her bible verses and talk to her about God. she would sing me to sleep over the phone and we would often talk all nigth over the phone. everything seemed perfect....it was like a living fantasy. then one day she went to washington. and upon return....she told me she never wanted to talk to me again.

my heart was broken. just how its been the past few months. it feels like de ja vu. anyways. connie and i have not talked since then. until today. at the funeral. she saw me....i gave respects to the father and family and i went up to her and gave her a hug. it was the first time i had seen her....in over two years. i tried looking past those tears of hers.....she whispered....thanks for coming.

kimmy....i dont want what has happened between connie and i to happen between you and me. i want to be your friend. i dont want to all of a sudden completely stop talking to you and then wait for one of your parent's to die to finally talk and see each otehr again. what will it take to be your friend? i dont know...

i think it was a suprise to her that i was there. i was surprised i was there. if my fatehr was not speaking at the funeral then i would have never went. im sorry connie....i dont know what to say to you. after all, you do have a boyfriend right now. i have no right to comfort you in anyway. let J.B. do it for you. hes a good boyfriend. i do not wish to intrued on your life. and as you have asked...i will stay out of it. your father is up in heaven. i will be praying for your family.

seeing her father in that casket....dead cold.....was such an awakening experience. what does life mean? what does it mean to live? when i die...where will i go? will there anyone care when i die or will my funeral be empty? what does a soul mean? what does a life mean to God?

what does it mean to die?

all i know is taht no one really knows what its like to die....beacuse no one really comes back from the dead to tell the tale. i can make a good guess though....to die...will be an awfully great adventure. Connie, your dad is up in heaven now. hes looking down at you with a big smile on his face....and hes proud and pleased with you in all ways.

going to this funeral made me think. if my mom died at this very instant....what would happen? how much does my mom mean to me.....how much does your mom mean to you??

how much does your father mean to you? the value of a person's soul is priceless....death is something of great mysteries. its the end of a beginning and the beginning of eternity.

falling in love was great....but its time for me to put my past behind me....and let it die. i want to become a new and better person. im tired of being confined to the things of this world. i want to be a servant of God. i want to be able to heal the wounded and heal the sick. show Gods love! i want to be able to ressurect the dead through the power of God!

is there hope? where is my faith? where have i gone wrong? do you not want the same thing? to be happy in all ways through God!?

girls....for some reason...they just dont like me. no one has hurt me more tehn girls.....yet i always come running back to them. im done. Im running towards you now God. make me whole...and make me complete. take this life of mine and let it die...but give me a new body and soul and mind. Because LORD...no matter what...you will never do me wrong. you will always protect me...always love me....no girl will be able to compete with your love. im yours LORD so take me...and break me...then remake me into what you will.

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” (Romans 12:2)