homecoming

yesterday night i helped justin ask holly to homcecoming and helped andy kwong ask connie to homecoming. i helped my two best friends ask their dates to homecoming. it was a lot of fun. it went really well and it all turned out great! except mine. i asked someone to homecoming but they already had a date....im so sad. HAHA but its okay.

right now...i really wish God was back in my life. I miss the feeling of having him around.

I want to go to every dance this year! im a senior and im gonna be gone soon....so i wanna make everything count!

i wish i was a better person.

i wish

i honestly dont know what im going to do with my future. i feel like no one believes in me. i feel like i have no motive. i feel like i have no talents and no skillz. i wish i could be successful. i wish i could make my family. i wish my family didnt have so many problems. i wish i could talk to every person in the world about God and they would get saved. i wish girls didnt exist so i could focus on God. i wish i didnt have so many weaknesses. i wish i was perfect. i wish i wouldnt have to be sad. i wish i could be a better person, a better brother, a better son, a better teacher, a better example, a better friend, and a better leader. i wish God would tell me what i need to do.

hannah, look i love you. i jsut wish you would stop yelling at me for once. u do the most for the family. but i need you to do one more thing for me...just encourage me. i cant stand it. no one believes in me. i have looked up to you my entire life. when you look down on me like this, it makes me not want to move forward. and stop saying youre an evil person. im okay if you say im evil...but you are not. youre such a good person and sister. i aspire to be you. you make me who i am. be happy sister.you got no idea what it means to me when you take your time to make sure there food on the table, to make sure i have all my needs. you make life bearable and possible. i wish i could tell you how much i loved you...but you wouldnt believe me. to you...im just a selfish, fat, and annoying kid that will go no where in life. i kno you dont really think that way of me...but honstly thats how i feel. im not perefect...i know that....i dont need you to tell me everyday. just let me tell you that you are perfect. you never believe me. all because im younger doesnt mean i dont understand nothing.

have faith in God hannah. stop worrying so much. God will take care of you. he loves you so much....if anything...thats what mom and dad want you to know the most. God is our provider...he gives us strength. he gives you strength. u will be successful hannah. im sure of it....youre a YOUNG. that means you are guarunteed to always be loved and to always be prosperous. im propsperous cuz God gave me you...i love you hannah. i just hope you know that. give me some time..im still learning. im lazy and selfish....I only wish i was perfect like you. i wish you knew i love you. i wish you knew Jesus loves you. I wish you would be happy, cuz thats why im so sad all the time. i hate seeing you sad. i dont care about girls hannah...so you dont gotta scare off all the girls i like anymore. youre the only girl i care about right now. you are that important to me. just make a wish. pray. God will answer you every prayer.

theres more to it

so i came back from the dance just now....it was great. justin was pretty bummed and he didnt wanna go to the dance. but i knew it was just what he needed. so i tricked him to going. i was like doode...senas going to the dance! i wanna go now! haha will u go with me? he was like...fine. HAHA we hung out with michael wu like right after school and he wasnt too happy or energetic. but he went. i went for two reasons...for justin and for sena. i went to the dance and i didnt freak at all. i didnt even dance at all. not even slow dance. but its okay..i got in for free anyways. HAHA so its all good. im sad i didnt get to dance with sena though...i just wanted one dance...but i jsut couldnt ask her. shes a really sweet girl...and shes really great. but man...she can get any guy she wants. i know im last on her list. so i gotta move on you know? like if you like someone...then you dont tell them you like them...u show them right? i have been showing that....but i guess it gets lost in translation. im okay though. my heart hurts...but i feel really happy for some reason. man i hate that feeling when you jsut really like someone and they just dont like you back and they do not even acknoledge you are there. its the worst. HAHAHA i have finally moved on from kimmy. but doode....girls just dont like me....HAHAHAHAHAHa it makes me laugh cuz im surprised i care so much. idk i never cared much about girls anyways. im more of the type of guy who wants to be a gentle man and treat the girl right. but now a days....it about whether or not youre good in bed or if you drink and do all this stuff that i jsut cant stand. man. ppl can be better. theres temptaion and bad things out there to show us that we can be better people. we can always make a good decision. i cant stand it....theres so much good in people...why do i feel like im the only who sees that!? its driving me nuts. why do we gotta judge ppl? man. i wish i could just help everyone. but ppl dont wanna listen to a guy like me.one day...i want to become an important man. an important person with power. i wanna help everyone. im sick and tired of this. we can all be better. God made us better then this. we choose to be like this. but we can be better......we have every right to be better then sttling for the least. youre given free will not to do what ever you want but so you can choose to make the right choice....

but man..i think about sena soo much. it sucks....idk. i think i need to move on. shes out of my league. im a nobody. God says if you want to be first, then you must first be last. here i am...last. and im okay with it. will i ever be first? HHA I love God...i love my family. thats all i got an thats all i need.

family

my entire family came home!!!! its my dads bday monday but since we got school we are gonna celebrate it saturday. its been pretty crazy at home....lots of fighting, yelling, and laughter. but thats why i love family. last week sunday we had soooo many people come to church!!! holly matsunami came and i think she liked the church a lot. i think shes coming every week for on now. jackies gonna come next week too. im glad their are new faces at church. justin is having a great time at my place since he moved in. some residential problems made ROTB very difficult for justin but i worked it out with the help of my moms friends. so many crazy things have happened. ever since justin has moved in, i feel a lot happier. he and i shop together, eat together, sleep together, and laugh together. being roomates with your best friend in highschool!?!?! DREAM COME TRUE. hes such a great friend. he helps me and i help him. we bought a whole bunch of clothes so we can match. rigth when summer got good.....lol now its the end. but its okay.i got senior year....im excited. im gonna hate saying goodbye to all the underclassmen...

anywho. my dads bday is tomorrow. im really excited. we are gonna make a video for him with everyone in the family in the video. we have some technical issues but its all good.

my family....drives me nuts....like i can not explain what its like to live with my family. you would not last....LOLOL by the grace of God i am still alive. i have finally reignited the flame between God and i. it died out back in late Feb. to early march. now its here again and its here to stay. God has cleansed me...and i feel great. the best thing of all is that my best friend justin is finally stepping on the path to follow christ. that was my initial goal...i wanna see my best buddy in heaven when i die. lets hope that i get there. hahaha i listen to christian music with him and we go to christian events. usually people spend their time during soummer to go out and hang out with friends or study....but not me. i spent the rest of my summer helping my best friend move in and cleaning and washing cars every week with my uncle and getting in fights with my sibs and finding God once again in my life. he is the reason for my happiness after all...im so glad i found it. i can finally move on....

i havent blogged in a while....but why do you need blogs? all they do is prevent communication between someone else. things i write in blogs, i want to share with someone i truly care about. but its nice saving up all the memories. im glad i have 10 siblings. im glad my life is pretty much hell. im glad my parents are bankrupt. im glad my family has no money. im glad because God has told me to be glad. theres no reason to be sad. this is the day the LORD hath made, i will rejoice and be glad in it. God will provide...i say that to myself everyday. the most important thing is that justin never finds out that we got no money...if he finds that out then hes gonna move out. thats what makes him such a good friend. hes always looking out for me. and im always looking out for him. he really is numba 12 in our family. the 7th son.

billionaire music vid coming soon! kazamm and i are working extra hard on it! im gonna call kazamm right now..HAHA

all because of you

i am happy.

all because of you i am sad.

all because of you i know someone cares about me.

all because of you i know real love.

all because of you i want to change.

all because of you i think about you everyday.

and its all because of you God.

and its also because of you God that all of the above is the same exact thing that she makes me feel. I guess its true what you said God. You truly are love.....because she is love....and everything that she is just reminds me of you again God. so God, i have a question for you. why did you let her leave me?

studying for the SAT...again

i need to study for the SAT again. i failed the first time...i didnt really try....i need try this time though. soooo...im gonna study everyday for a little bit. today im practicing my cursive because when i took the SATi was the last to finish the cursive section and i felt stupid....LOL i didnt know how to write anything!

anyways....i had a good day yesterday. justin came over and we turned in the adress forms. so yea. hes moving in next week and hes here to stay. doode im excited. haha

CALEBS BIRTHDAY TODAY! i feel bad cuz we never do anything extra special cuz he doesnt even know what birthday mean. caleb will feel special if you just give him a bowl of noodles. i love caleb! hes so content with so little. he reminds me to be more thankful of what i have everyday.....sometimes we dont know why things happen and learn the reason after it happens many years later only to discover it was Gods plan. i remember in the bible how that one man was blind and Jesus healed him. i hope one day Jesus will heal my little brother......