leaves

I am a leaf
basking in the sunlight
growing and living happily

I am a leaf
fall is slowly approaching
i begin to wither
the other leaves wither and leave me

I am a leaf
leaving my tree
slowly drifting in the wind

I am a leaf
I have lost my color
I land on the ground

I am a leaf
waiting for a gust of wind
to pick me up and carry me away.
I fly into the sky
i soar through the wide open skys and soar
i drift and flow with the wind
the wind carries me
and then I land
waiting for a new wind to carry me
i am a leaf

leaves are my favorite thing to look at. they are so simple yet they are so complex. i am captivated by leaves. i felt inspired to write this poem about leaves. i am terrible at writing poetry but this is an attempt.hahaha

leaves...we are all leaves. drifting in the wind.....slowly drifting. sometimes we soar! sometimes we fall....waiting for a new wind to pick us up! except you. you are not a leaf.

you are the wind that lifts me up. you are the wind that carries me. that guides me. sometimes you go away...but you pick me up and carry me to push me further. i trust you that you will take me to where i need to go.

i trust you that you will help me. I trust you that you will be with me forever. i love you because you loved me first. i love you even when you are gone

i can not describe you. you are like the wind and air. you carry me and lift me up. but so immense and incredible that no one can describe it or see it.

i am a leaf....i was lucky. i was a leaf out of many...and out of all the leaves you couldve picked....you picked me up and flew me high into the sky! and i wont ever forget that.

the thing is you can still be a leaf...just like the other leaves.....you leave me and leave me left heartbroken. but when you did i waited for you to pick me up again. and you picked me up today. but you dint have to...just like the wind and air.....no one can see you....but you are always there....waiting for me to reach out my hand so you can take me to the skies once again.

take me away. fly with me....maybe next time....i can be the wind. and you can be the leaf.

scent

the scent of you lingers on my hand.

i have been sniffing it for the past half hour!

smell is the most powerful memory trigger out of the all five senses of the human body.

I'm just closing my eyes and smelling my hand...every single good memory just came back to me. us holding hands....laughing....dancing in the rally court....eating...

i open my eyes....where did it all go? every time i come close you push away my face. everytime i reach for you you slap my hand away. every time i look at you...you turn away.

its okay......i just gotta close my eyes. and there we are again...holding hands. the way its supposed to be.....

i hope i dont miss 11:11 today.....you know what I am wishing for.

sponge

i hate seeing those tears rolling down your face...i hate it when you lift up your arm to cover your face cuz you dont want me to see you cry.

i hate the fact that youre crying bcuz of me....

i dont want to see you cry....

let my shoulder be a sponge

you can cry on my shoulder. I hope the only time you cry is because you are happy. they better be tears of joy.....

I'm sorry. i dont want to see you cry.....

HAPPY 17th BDAY!

doode...im 17...HAPPY BDAY! :D

im old

JAJA

i got many presents! my favorite one is a jacket! i got it from a woman i love very much....its a little small....just like her....but it keeps me warm...just like her.

okay i give up

i will keep blogging.

HAHA

i cant help it.

LOL

but i think its important for us both to work on our relationships with God. that is always the priority!

my mom talked to me about love. she said if you TRULY love someone you will never leave them and will ALWAYS be there for them. I truly love you....

ANY WHO!!!! thats the last time im gonna say that. But yea! my sister watched the mini junior prom vid.....shes says im crazy. she told me, you have to really like someone and care about someone to do that. and i was like, yea...i know. she told me that like half an hour ago after i dropped you off....HAHAHa

moving on...my sisters came home!!!

HANNAH AND MICHELLE CAME HOME! they are leaving the day of my bday though...sooooyea it sux. They wont even have ime to celebrate it....but its okay! HAHA I miss God.

cuz even though girls will forget about me and hurt me....God never will. How could i betray him like that!?

i need to focus more on God now....and so do you!

Last blog ever

never gonna blog after this

it reminds me too much of her

i might blog again if she tells me too but if not i wont blog

i only blog because of her and will only blog if there is something i really want her to know

and yea

all she needs to know is i love her, but im gonna move on. and i will be there when she needs me. as of now she doesnt....so gotta keep moving.

BYE BLOG!

chinese project!

DOODE!

this chinese project is so stressful!

we must finish it!

im too tired...i cant keep my eyes open!

choir concert!

DOODE

concert was awesome!

HAHA

all i gotta say!

i wish i was a better dancer though! and i wish it wasnt so hot in there...and i wish i had a breath mint. LOL

AAHHH....man. why is it so hard to let you go. LOL ....you looked so pretty today. and you smelled good as always. stop it! HAHA you make it so hard!

but its okay! the best things in life are always hard to let go! but in the end....you never truly let them go....its just what you say so the other person will just move on with their life and so you dont feel like you are holding them back

I got this!

Alright!

i got this

for on now im gonna be happy! being sad wont bring her back. it only makes me more sad. and being sad probably doesnt make her happy either. If i move on then it wont change our chances of getting back together again.

She already has moved on....which hurts

i need to move on.....

i was never as stubborn as you....im quick to change my mind knowing what the other person wants.

i'm gonna move on. and im gonna be happy. im not gonna be sad anymore. i gotta make the best of what i got right now before its gone....

i just gotta get used to you not being there anymore

GREAt DAY

TODAY WAS SOOO FUN!

My dance partner for a concert got really bad burns on her legs...soooo i had to get a new parnter! and my new partner is someone i hold very dear to me. and someone truly special that i really care about. My other partner was a great dancer! but she lacked a lot of enrgy that my new partner has! I love my new partner! Literally...HAHAHA

anywho....im excited for the concert....During practice today...when we held hands for one of the steps....I WAS SOO HAPPY. you have no idea how much i missed just holding her hand... it was the best feeling i felt all year. i never missed something so much.

After that we went to choir rehersal after schoola dn it was very fun watching others sing and dance

my partner danced beautifully for her song. Michael kept teasing me cuz he said the whole time while she was dancing my eyes were focused on her the whole time. ITs not my fault shes so hard not to look at!!!!

but it was a lot of fun. she smacked me in the jaw really hard though...HAHA we need to practice a lot...tomorrow! HAHa

after she went to my house with jsut in and we worked hard! well they did...i jsut ate. i completed like one hmwk problem within three hours. HAHAHA

i got to bond with them and stuff thoguh so it was time well spent.

day one

i told you since day one. I love you. I would never her hurt you. seeing you hurt is the worst. Remember...the pain you feel i feel, but ten fold. For every pain you feel i feel, but it hurts me more. So be careful...

dont hurt yourself....cuz in the end youre hurting me. If thinking about me hurts you...then stop thinking about me. I know you dont want to hurt me....but i dont want to hurt you more. I'm a big guy so i can protect you. I will protect you always.

FOREVER

I promise you.

you are my forever.

and i will never let you go.

but i must. for now. but my lifeline will be there forever. just tug on it...and i will be there. cut it? and i will reapair it. let go of it? i will jump for you and hold on to you tight....and hit the ground first so you dont gotta feel the impact.

LONG day....

yesterday was a good day!!!!! school was okay....it was some what fun. it was easy so it wasnt too bad. After schoool i went to a fundraiser with kimmy and ate PHO it was delicious. After that i went to joyces house with justin and we hung out there for a while. After that.....we went to his house, and we ate a lot. WE kept saying we would do math and finish it.....we never even opened our back packs. HAHA we just talked about life and we caught up with each other. It was quite interesting. But we talked about all this stuff and about how sad and upset i have been feeling lately....and he gave me some tips. I love justin! HAHA no homo. I love him as a friend....hes a brother to me. HAHA hes a really good friend. I'm blessed to have a friend like him.

BUt we talked and talked. My decision is that I'm gonna let kimmy go. I mean i dont want to....but its the ebst for us. HAHA right now im having trouble though. It hurts so much to love her and care about her cuz she always seems to be trying to avoid me...BUT it hurts so gooood! HAHAHA I miss her a lot. But i gotta let her go for now. I know when shes ready and if she wants me back then i will be ready. I'm really not that attractive and not that great of a person...so i know i will prbly be single for a long time. Kimmy on the other hand is just beautiful and has this amazing personality. That personailty and her love for God is what I really fell in love with...and i guess the reason why the relationship didnt turn out the way i wanted to was cuz we forgot about God....and I didnt care about her personality anymore. That was my fault. But one thing is for certain....If we ever do get back together again, I will never mention the words break up ever again and MAKE SURE that God is first in our relationship.And make sure i always praise her for her personality and tell ehr how much i appreiciate her. Tahts what i originally intended. but i got selfish, i stared getting cocky and stuck up. if i let go of my pride we wouldnt have broke up the second time. The first time we broke up...was weak. it wasnt even a real break up. neither was the second one. we dod it on AIM. how lame....but the first time we broke up....i thought it was mutual. and kimmy said the same thing. but in the end im really the one who pushed for it. But it was a combination of things....I really wanted to be with her but i wanted to focus on grades and i didnt want my parents fighting with hers....so i told her we should take a break and "break up" and then we would prbly get back together again when i came back from new york. But she felt the impacts of a real break up....and i didnt. I destroyed her...i didnt mean to... all i was asking for was some room to think....i jsut needed to clear my head up and find out what i really wanted.I needed time. But as soon as i came back we started going out again...but i could immeadiately tell the big difference....She was avoiding me in so many ways. It drove me nuts...i didnt understand what happened. Then I just couldnt take it anymore....i got cocky and started to believe kimmy wasnt worth it. I got cokcy and said stuff to myself like....I can get a better girl than her. shes not that great anyways! she doesnt even appreiciate me!...And i was so stupid to do that. I need to humble myself more. Thats what led to the second break up on my part. But honestly....kimmy is the best it gets. I wont ever find a girl like her and i cant belive i let her go like that. I miss her...i miss her so much. Now im in her shoes...i now know how she feels after we broke up the first time. I'm heart broken in so many ways......My heart has been dropped so many times by so many different girls........and i'm afraid my heart is in so mnay different tiny pieces taht it will take a while and a lot of patience for any girl to deal with my fragile and emotional heart. I'm just hoping kimmy will learn to understand my heart and stop me from making irrational decisions and jsut help me. Instead of walking away from me i hope she will instead reach out her hand and be there to comfort me and tell me it will be okay and jsut understand and accept me for who i am. i need someone to care.

I'm just scared.....she might move on and find another guy. well she should...i'm rly not that great of a guy. theres plenty of better guys out there. but I'm so scared shes gonna find someone else......I won't ever stop caring about her. But I will be happy when she finds that other guy. But he better be good looking, hard working, an on fire christian, and take care of you better than i ever did. He better treat you well. IF HE DOESNT..I'm gonna be all over this guy...He better treat you right. I, on the other hand, I will not go chasing girls. Its not somethign i really do but i do want girls...but i jsut let them come to me cuz girls never like me....and it sucks. But i would rather have that one special girl then a million other ones. I'm glad i already have that special girl. I wont date ever again for the rest of highschool.....Kimmys already my special girl and im not letting her go. but she can let go of me. im okay with it. But im not okay with me letting her go. thats unacceptable.

I'm gonna let go....but my lifeline is still gonna be attatched to her.BUt not officially let her go. So when ever she needs me... I will pull her in without hesisitation. I said i would be there for her always and i still will be. We need time....I hurt you bad kimmy and wounds need time to heal. your wound neeeds to heal. Let it heal. I'm not gonna sratch at you and pick you, i'm gonna let you heal. If you never let a scab fully heal the skin underneath then the wound takes longer to heal. I'm gonna be patient....just know im always ready. and i will be ready when you are. And you MUST know....I truly am sorry for hurting you in any way. I've learned my lessons and I will learn to treat you better. But I also must say....that you must learn too. We both have to learn during this time while we are away from each other. Learn what to do different if we ever get back together again. theres stuff we both need to fix. and we gotta fix it. I'm not saying we will get back together for certain. thats your choice to make. but i am saying....i want you to make that decision and choice. You said taht once you make a decision...you stick to it. You made the decision to love me and care about me....so i know i will stick to you somewhere in your heart and be there always. And i am there for you always. But dont be afraid to move one. I'm not gonna push for anything...I'm just gonna let things happen naturally. Im not gonna go looking for love...but let it come to us naturally. Only time will tell.

Dont forget to read your bible...and dont forget to love God. Be humble and thanks for all the good memories....I wont forget the cookie heart you made for me for sadies....it still sits on my wall. Waiting. As will my love...it will be waiting.

ONE more chance

HAve you ever messed up big time on a test or something or did something wrong to someone and they trusted you but you broke that trust? You poured out everything you could for taht person and you gave them youre all. And you asked for forgiveness...for another chance...and they wont give it to you. And its cuz they trusted you....but you broke that trust. I know if it were the otehr way around...and you broke that trust. I WOULD give you another chance. i want another chance so bad.................................but i guess that will come with time.

I failed my chinese test today and after class i asked if i could retake it....i asked for one more chance. and she gave it to me! im happy. im gonna study for it. Tahts what God did for us when he put his son on the cross. he gave us one more chance to go to heaven! he gave us one more chance to enter those pearly golden gates.

I'm asking for one more chance.....if ms. Ju did it...and God did it.....wont you do the same for me? all i want is one more chance. I promise i wont make the mistake of leaving you again. WILL YOU PLEASE FORGIVE ME AND LET ME COME BACK TO YOU!!!!!??? :(

HEY U, yes you! MY california girl!

when i talk to you...its my way of saying i love you.

when i look at you its my way of saying i miss you.

when i love you and do things for you....its my way of saying i still care.

i hope you still care too. i wont stop caring. you know me...im not that kind of person. and now that i think of it...youre not that kind of person either. I'm glad you still care. :D

but i hope we will continue to learn more about each other. everyday...in every way.

love

i loved you then i forgot

then i forgot how to forget.

thats when i remebered i loved you

i realized you really do mean more to me more then i could ever really imagine. i just couldnt start imagining you until i stopped imagining you for who i wanted you to be. youre like a dream come true. and i mean it. i was so lost....i wish you could find some forgiveness in your heart.

kimmy, youre like make up. when ppl wear make up they look beautiful and so happy. and then all of sudden when they stop wearing make up consistently they look sick and ugly. i stopped wearing you, and now i just feel sick all the time...i miss you.

wo bu hao

im mad. i wanted to blog...but i prbly will end up regretting everything i say so yea...i wont blog. I hope i cheer up. When im angry... i say things that i dont mean.

DREAMINg

in all my 16 years of life....I have never loved someone or missed someone so much. somethings wrong with me...i swear.HAHA no! i would never swear! jk

but seriously...im dreaming. will she ever notice me? will she still care about me? will she ever want me back? IN MY DREAMS! im dreaming big...but hey. if youre gonna dream...you gotta dream big! or else it aint a dream. thats the difference between what you want and a dream, you can want it all you want but when you actually get it it will be trashed within 6 months, forgotten, nothing, gone! . if you dream it...and when you actually get it....it lasts forever. dont want big.....DREAM BIG!

STUFF

I have been obsessed with magic lately. HAHA i like to impress ppl and blow them away. LAtely I have been studying coin magic and such. I also have been singing a lot too! HAHAHA my family gets annoyed! i begin singing...then they say "STOP SINGING!" then i say, you wanna see a magic trick then? LOL then they say yea! I want to see you disappear! LOL its lots of fun. HAHAHAHAHA

im gonna keep practicing. I also was looking through some videos i got and found one of my old vids when i tried starting an accapella group and it failed pretty badly...i sing rly off key and stuff. And im trying to figure out how to upload vids and pics so this is a test run!

its taking forever to upload!!!! AGGGAHAGGAA.....LOL i sang terribly! HHAHAHAHA good memories though! one i would like to share with you!

BLOG

i want to blog right now...but idk wat to blog about. HAHA uhmmm i feel depressed right now but im not. im getting weird mood swings. BUt anyways....i missed SAT class today cuz i didnt feel good. but i wish i went cuz its fun. I have been very angry and sad and happy lately. a whole rainbow of emotions this week! I feel unrelaxed. I hope taht changes next weeek when AP testing is FIANLLY over...i miss my family a lot! i was thinking about them to day.....and they mean the world to me.

i cant wait till junior year is oveR!!!! SO CLOSE but still soooo far.....i wish summer was here! WOOHOooo...! this month is gonna be exciting! i cant wait to see what happens! i got lots to do! JUNIOR YEAR IS HARD! i hope it all pays off

but i have rly bad grades! i have never had such a low GPA.....but its okay! God has a plan for me, but mean while im gonna try harder!

PARENTs

doode i havent blogged in a while! but i wanted to blog today about parents. I realized today that i need to be a better son. not because they told me to, but because i want to. Parents, are just like us. they get mad and they have emotions too! they get mad and sad and stuff and they need someone to cheer them up too!!!! Kids, are kinda like their pets. we are kinda like puppies to them when we are babies then we grow into ferocious dogs with rabies when we are teenagers then we become mature. parents need kids! and its our job to be there to support them in everything they do. they take care of us and are responsible for us, should we not repay them? they do so much for us but we wont ever realize it untill we are in their shoes and old and wrinkly. WE need parents just as much as they need us.

Parents need us to cheer them up and put a smile on their face! my dad just put a smile on my face! HAHA he stood up to go to the bathroom and his pants fell down and he tripped!!HAHA hes wearing his old pants from like ten years ago and he lost a lot of weight so it came off. it made me laugh.

Today, my mom was telling me how she cant walk anymore and i got rly sad. she said i need to pray for her and i hope you will pray for her too. she wasnt sad bcuz of the idea she couldnt walk anymore but she was sad that she might not be able to continue the ministry. She was sad she might not be able to pray for ppl and help ppl and that touched me heart. the reason she cant walk in the first place...is cuz all her life all she has been doing is travleing and walking from place to place to pray for ppl and help ppl. and i have wronfully misjudged her the past couple weeks and she has been saying things i have never heard her say b4. and its cuz she is stressed out. she gave me a hug today after i told her i was stressed out and it meant the world to me. i should do that for her sometime and you should too! parents aren't as bad as we think they are, its just we dont rly know much about them so we are scared of them and misjudge them. if we took the time to understand them...then maybe they arent so bad after all.

I'm gonna give more effort to learn a little bit more about mine and help them in anyway possible. i encourage you to do the same, or else when they are gone you're gonna regret it!

take some time right now. imagine your father or mother dying....have you payed your dues? or have all you done is yell at them , run away from them, deny them...and never establish a relationship with them. is that how you want to rememeber your dad and mom? did you want to remember them as someone you hated or someone you loved? your parents are just like you! dont forget it! be happy you have parents or at least one! parents are blessing and kids are blessings to parents! be a blessing.