theres more to it

so i came back from the dance just now....it was great. justin was pretty bummed and he didnt wanna go to the dance. but i knew it was just what he needed. so i tricked him to going. i was like doode...senas going to the dance! i wanna go now! haha will u go with me? he was like...fine. HAHA we hung out with michael wu like right after school and he wasnt too happy or energetic. but he went. i went for two reasons...for justin and for sena. i went to the dance and i didnt freak at all. i didnt even dance at all. not even slow dance. but its okay..i got in for free anyways. HAHA so its all good. im sad i didnt get to dance with sena though...i just wanted one dance...but i jsut couldnt ask her. shes a really sweet girl...and shes really great. but man...she can get any guy she wants. i know im last on her list. so i gotta move on you know? like if you like someone...then you dont tell them you like them...u show them right? i have been showing that....but i guess it gets lost in translation. im okay though. my heart hurts...but i feel really happy for some reason. man i hate that feeling when you jsut really like someone and they just dont like you back and they do not even acknoledge you are there. its the worst. HAHAHA i have finally moved on from kimmy. but doode....girls just dont like me....HAHAHAHAHAHa it makes me laugh cuz im surprised i care so much. idk i never cared much about girls anyways. im more of the type of guy who wants to be a gentle man and treat the girl right. but now a days....it about whether or not youre good in bed or if you drink and do all this stuff that i jsut cant stand. man. ppl can be better. theres temptaion and bad things out there to show us that we can be better people. we can always make a good decision. i cant stand it....theres so much good in people...why do i feel like im the only who sees that!? its driving me nuts. why do we gotta judge ppl? man. i wish i could just help everyone. but ppl dont wanna listen to a guy like me.one day...i want to become an important man. an important person with power. i wanna help everyone. im sick and tired of this. we can all be better. God made us better then this. we choose to be like this. but we can be better......we have every right to be better then sttling for the least. youre given free will not to do what ever you want but so you can choose to make the right choice....

but man..i think about sena soo much. it sucks....idk. i think i need to move on. shes out of my league. im a nobody. God says if you want to be first, then you must first be last. here i am...last. and im okay with it. will i ever be first? HHA I love God...i love my family. thats all i got an thats all i need.

family

my entire family came home!!!! its my dads bday monday but since we got school we are gonna celebrate it saturday. its been pretty crazy at home....lots of fighting, yelling, and laughter. but thats why i love family. last week sunday we had soooo many people come to church!!! holly matsunami came and i think she liked the church a lot. i think shes coming every week for on now. jackies gonna come next week too. im glad their are new faces at church. justin is having a great time at my place since he moved in. some residential problems made ROTB very difficult for justin but i worked it out with the help of my moms friends. so many crazy things have happened. ever since justin has moved in, i feel a lot happier. he and i shop together, eat together, sleep together, and laugh together. being roomates with your best friend in highschool!?!?! DREAM COME TRUE. hes such a great friend. he helps me and i help him. we bought a whole bunch of clothes so we can match. rigth when summer got good.....lol now its the end. but its okay.i got senior year....im excited. im gonna hate saying goodbye to all the underclassmen...

anywho. my dads bday is tomorrow. im really excited. we are gonna make a video for him with everyone in the family in the video. we have some technical issues but its all good.

my family....drives me nuts....like i can not explain what its like to live with my family. you would not last....LOLOL by the grace of God i am still alive. i have finally reignited the flame between God and i. it died out back in late Feb. to early march. now its here again and its here to stay. God has cleansed me...and i feel great. the best thing of all is that my best friend justin is finally stepping on the path to follow christ. that was my initial goal...i wanna see my best buddy in heaven when i die. lets hope that i get there. hahaha i listen to christian music with him and we go to christian events. usually people spend their time during soummer to go out and hang out with friends or study....but not me. i spent the rest of my summer helping my best friend move in and cleaning and washing cars every week with my uncle and getting in fights with my sibs and finding God once again in my life. he is the reason for my happiness after all...im so glad i found it. i can finally move on....

i havent blogged in a while....but why do you need blogs? all they do is prevent communication between someone else. things i write in blogs, i want to share with someone i truly care about. but its nice saving up all the memories. im glad i have 10 siblings. im glad my life is pretty much hell. im glad my parents are bankrupt. im glad my family has no money. im glad because God has told me to be glad. theres no reason to be sad. this is the day the LORD hath made, i will rejoice and be glad in it. God will provide...i say that to myself everyday. the most important thing is that justin never finds out that we got no money...if he finds that out then hes gonna move out. thats what makes him such a good friend. hes always looking out for me. and im always looking out for him. he really is numba 12 in our family. the 7th son.

billionaire music vid coming soon! kazamm and i are working extra hard on it! im gonna call kazamm right now..HAHA

all because of you

i am happy.

all because of you i am sad.

all because of you i know someone cares about me.

all because of you i know real love.

all because of you i want to change.

all because of you i think about you everyday.

and its all because of you God.

and its also because of you God that all of the above is the same exact thing that she makes me feel. I guess its true what you said God. You truly are love.....because she is love....and everything that she is just reminds me of you again God. so God, i have a question for you. why did you let her leave me?

studying for the SAT...again

i need to study for the SAT again. i failed the first time...i didnt really try....i need try this time though. soooo...im gonna study everyday for a little bit. today im practicing my cursive because when i took the SATi was the last to finish the cursive section and i felt stupid....LOL i didnt know how to write anything!

anyways....i had a good day yesterday. justin came over and we turned in the adress forms. so yea. hes moving in next week and hes here to stay. doode im excited. haha

CALEBS BIRTHDAY TODAY! i feel bad cuz we never do anything extra special cuz he doesnt even know what birthday mean. caleb will feel special if you just give him a bowl of noodles. i love caleb! hes so content with so little. he reminds me to be more thankful of what i have everyday.....sometimes we dont know why things happen and learn the reason after it happens many years later only to discover it was Gods plan. i remember in the bible how that one man was blind and Jesus healed him. i hope one day Jesus will heal my little brother......

one of those days

have you ever had one of those days where you just missed someone you care about so much that all you wanna do is cry but you cant because you dont want your family to see? so you go into the shower and cry until you cant cry anymore? shes been there. now i have been there. i had one of those days. she felt this way when i left her and went to new york. but i came back right? now its switched around...the only difference is...she never came back. and like she said, she never will. i hope when she told me that her fingers were crossed behind her back...i promised you i would come back. thats what the necklace was for. remember? it was a promise that i would come back. and i did. thats why i was at her window the night before i left and a day after she and i broke up. i wanted to comfort her and tell her i would always be there for her. thats what it meant. i didnt want to break up the first time...i felt forced to. the second time i wanted it though....she had become a different person. she said it was because i hurt her. i dont know how. i told her i would come back. she was the first girlfriend i truly truly cared about. it felt like my first relationship so of course i will make mistakes. and she knew that.

then time went on....her old self came back but she didnt want me. and now im gone. i miss her so much. i miss her more then anything. and i keep blogging hoping that she might read one of these one day cuz i cant freakin talk to her in real life cuz she wont let me! you know how much that hurts? not being able to talk to someone you love. i was romeo, you were juliet. how can i live without my Juliet?

eating the jam she gave me

last christmas she gave me a variety pack of jam wrapped in tinfoil. i remmeber i got a lot of presents but i was excited to open hers the most so i saved it for last. she told me to wait until christmas to open it and i obeyed. you see, at the time idont think she realized i had a crush on her. then i unwrapped the tinfoil. "what the hell is this? JAM???" lol what was i supposed to with that? i spent the rest of christmas trying to figure out what it meant....i later discovered that you gave everyone random gifts. and i admired her for that. she actually gave ALL her friends gifts. haha shes a really sweet person. anyways....even though the jam had no origninal meaning i think i found out today what it represents. i just finished eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich made from the jam she gave me..it was good. i now realized that i was the jelly and she was the peanut butter. the variety in jam represents my personality. that christmas present that she gave me was the first time she made me feel special. the second she gave me that present she had me forever and she knew i wouldnt let go. now im here...eating this jam...and all i can do is think of her...how sad right?

LOLOL i cant stop thinking about it. youre such a funny person...tinfoil for gift wrapping? these stupid little things that you did are the things i miss the most and remember the most about you. man im tearing up as i type this out. lol man....i miss her. funny thing is....i think sometimes i know what shes feeling. sometimes i just feel it...and i know she misses me sometimes too. its a weird feeling but i can feel it.

just the way you are!

doode i love this song by bruno mars! look at the lyrics. made me reminesce. its like bruno mars knows exactly what i felt!HAAHAHA reminds me of her so bad. if i could put a song together for her it would look like this



Oh her eyes, her eyes
Make the stars look like they're not shining
Her hair, her hair
Falls perfectly without her trying

She's so beautiful
And I tell her every day

Yeah I know, I know
When I compliment her
She wont believe me
And its so, its so
Sad to think she don't see what I see

But every time she asks me do I look okay
I say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

Her lips, her lips
I could kiss them all day if she'd let me
Her laugh, her laugh
She hates but I think its so sexy

....if perfects what youre searching for then just stay the same....