ow...

i hurt my leg.

i went to albany for my best friend justin's birthday party/picnic. it was a lot of fun. holly matsunami came and a whole bunch of justin's friends and family came. it was so much fun.

i learned a lot. i feel like i need to be more appreciatative of what i got. anywho. i threw justin's uncle's ball over the fence so i went to go get it. but there was a security code thing on the lock so i coudnt open it! so i decided to go jump over the fence to go get it. if you lose it...you have to find it. i would feel irresponsible and rude for not getting it. so i jumped off the fence and then i didnt see the concrete sidewalk on the floor when i landed so i landed really weird on my ankle....and it hurt...a loT!!! i went to get the ball....then i jumped back over the fence and fell on my back....cuz i couldnt land on my feet. then ten seconds later....someone opened the dooor!!! so if i waited...then i would have never gotten hurt. so yea...im not that smart.

so i pretty much missed out on the entire day after taht. cuz i couldnt walk....soi jsut sat there! T_T

but its my fault. i took a dump....and it was so awkward to wipe my butt....it hurt so bad! peeing was even worse.....i was peeing ike a dog cuz i couldnt put pressure on my leg!!!

after that i just sat in brennens car for sooo long. then we went to justin's uncle's house. his name is steven btw. and steven gave me his crutches so i could walk. then i tried walking up the stairs with his crutches and fell straight forward on my face. and that hurt. i feel like weakling. i love helping people but i dont like it when people help me. i dont want to be a burden for others....i felt like sucha burden on brennens family and his uncle's family...

i got home around 11:50. i had a hard time sleeping cuz my foot was throbbing. afterwards....i woke up this morning to notice that the swelling had gone down a lot. you shoulda ssen my foot yesterday! my toes looked like giant jelly beans and my ankle loooked like it had a giant baseball in it....it hurt so much! im glad its healing up fast. thanks to God! :D

im sad im missing church this morning. i dont like missing church. i need to grow closer to God...

this trip to albany really cheered me up. except friday night i didnt sleep at all...so i just stayed on the itouch all night. and i was looking at pictures of my friend kimmy and i. and gosh....i missed her a lot all of a sudden. and i came to the conclusion that i really cant ever let her go. then i got really sad. like...i wondered what i have done wrong. i made a list in my head. but no matter how many lists i make...she wont ever want me back. thats the part taht really made me sad. she still doesnt know how much she hurt me...she never will. she wouldnt be able to comprehend it. and besides...i dont want her to know how much she hurt me. my ankle....and how much it hurts does not compare to how much she hurt me. if she knew how much she hurt me...she wouldnt be happy. thats why i dont want her to know. how am i supposed to get over you now!? the only way i could get over her is if i leave the house...but i cant walk and i cant drive...so now....it hurts taht much more. jsut wehn i thought i was gonna be done with her forever...shes back and she wont go away. i keep repeating her flaws in my head so i will stop liking her....but in the end i come up with more perfections that she had and by the time i name all the flaws, i see those flaws as perfections of her as well because her flaws are the things that i rememebr the most about her and her flaws are the things that made me so happy and are the things that made me laugh the most. so in the end...all i think in about in my head is say how perfect she is. which isnt helping me....it hurts so bad though cuz i know she doesnt feel the same way. but it hurts so good. i cant help but think about her.

i tried looking for other girls to cheer me up....but its not working. cuz none of them are her. soooo it wont work out. forget girls. im tired of them. im gonna do my best to take care of my family and friends and focus on whats really important in my life....GOD.

when it comes to my foot...and when it comes to her...all i can say is ow.

hence the name of this blog. no more tears....no more pain. i cant take it anymore. i have been saying ow the entire way. why you did this to me...i will never know...just give it time and time will show.

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."
Revelation 21:4