what you want and what you need

there is a fine line between what you want and what you need. its up to you decide. i have been having a difficult time trying to determine what i want, but i do know what i need. i need God in my life. thats what i need. i need to take care of my lil bros and my family and make sure i can be the best friend, person, son, brother, and student i can be.

i dont know what i want anymore. i sort of feel like a mindless nomad right now...i dont know where to go. i can do what i like but i wont. i should do what i need to and i would, if i could, but i cant. life gets worse before it gets better.....and lately its been pretty bad. but i aint gonna give up....im gonna keep pushing forward and be the best i can be. im gonna try my best....but its so hard. i want to forget her...but i cant. i dont want her to forget me...and she will, but i wont. i want to get back together but it wont happen. i want to be alone...but i want someone to hold my hand while im alone. i hope she doesnt hate me....i dont get why i miss her so much. i was such a big jerk. i still screw up the things i say to her. i need to move on.....i want to move on...but i cant. at least right now....but i will move on. i need to move on. life keeps on going and its up to me if i want to follow time's lead or fall behind. theres no shortcuts....i wish there were but there arent. Luckily enuff i got God on my side to make it a bit easier. DOODE...i hate being this sad! why am i so sad?! AAAHHHHH.....do i miss her??? whats to miss?? we are still friends....we didnt lose anything....and yet, i feel like i lost everything. the only thing we lost is the title... and that title doesnt matter. Im glad i could talk to her normally like a friend....but i miss those good times we had together where i just looked into her eyes and just felt at peace. You really dont know what you got until its gone, and you really dont know what you got until that thing or person is gone twice...im gonna treat her the same way i always have...i still care about her and that will never change. i gave her some of my chocolate and im not planning on taking it back. she once told me that love is like a box of chocolates...you keep giving some of it to every person you love and then finally when you get married...they get the rest of that chocolate. im glad she has that piece of chocolate...and i hope she enjoys it. and i hope she learned a lot from me...that hopefully whoever she finds next is nothing like me, cuz she deserves better then all i am. cuz in the end...all i am is nothing bcuz i was stupid enuff to give her up.

i dont want to be significant in this world....i just want to help ppl. i need to help ppl. i hope i helped her!

Lord....give me strength. i know i need to grow closer to you...and i want to, but i need help. i want what you want and i will make my needs whatever your needs are.